"I'm not her when I don't have to be"

Like most people, I hate being uncomfortable. I don’t like hard things or difficult conversations and I despise not knowing what is going to happen next. So essentially, I am not a huge fan of the season that I am in now. I am currently very uncomfortable and feel like nothing is secure. But as much as I hate this season, I love the version of myself that shows up when I am here. She is such a badass! I am motivated, I seek God like no other, I am vulnerable and I ask for help. I speak my needs and desires and hopes and dreams to my community and I am honest, I am so honest with myself, God and really anyone who will listen. I am forced to daily release control realizing that I never had it in the first place and there is so much freedom in that. I love this version of myself. But I have realized something; I’m not her when I don’t have to be. When I am comfortable and things are predictable and safe, I shrink. I don’t take as many risks, I stop speaking my needs and hopes and dreams because I don’t want to rock my comfortable boat. I don’t seek God every second when I’m comfortable because what if She says something that will make my life uncomfortable again?

So this begs the question… why do I try so hard to create comfort? If I know that comfort doesn’t produce the best version of myself, why do I still want it so bad? Why is it so attractive? And if I know that hard things produce the best version of myself why do I run from them like the plague?

I think all to often, we have made the mistake of associating comfortable with good and uncomfortable with bad. If our lives are comfortable its because we are doing the right things and being rewarded accordingly BUT if our lives are uncomfortable, then we must have done something wrong. This association actually makes no sense - It isn’t biblical, Jesus only ever made people more uncomfortable so where did this even come from? I am not going to attempt to fully unpack all of the places I think we have made false associations as a society but I will say this; stop seeking comfort. Stop trying to create something that you were not meant for because we were never designed to live in comfort in the first place so let’s stop chasing it and finally step into the messy, the hard and the unsure and let’s watch as God meets us at each brave step and show us more and more of the strong, creative, determined and dependent people we were created to be. Let the discomfort do something to you, let it produce greatness. The world needs you to stop chasing comfort and be the badass you were meant to be.